Baby Shower Gift Ideas

As a last post in this series - Baby Showers. What do you buy that won't just get popped in the trash?

1. Cloth Nappies. Modern Cloth Nappies (diapers) are becoming hugely popular, which is wonderful for our environment as well as much healthier for baby bums. But it can also be a huge investment to get started. Receiving a couple quality covers or package of prefolds is a huge help.
2. Baby Soap/ Nappy creams. Try and buy local and natural. A good quality product is worth it's weight in gold.
3. Restaurant gift cards. Some days it’s just a juggling act and to have dinner taken care of is a complete relief. Grocery store gift cards and coffee shop gift cards are also very nice to receive.
4. Spa Packages. Being a parent of a new baby is pretty exhausting. Most days are considered a success if everyone got fed and mom got a shower. Giving a massage, hair appointment or facial/manicure/pedicure are all great gifts that celebrate the mum.   
5. White Noise maker. For first time parents, it’s nice to have baby used to noise while sleeping, so parents can vacuum, have the doorbell ring or talk on the phone while baby is napping and not worry about waking baby. It’s also great for the baby with older siblings, so baby can nap and the siblings can play.
6. Baby Proofing. Plug outlet covers are great, or a baby gate.
7. Camera. If you know the parents well and know what their camera situation is, this is an excellent idea.  Having a nice camera makes a big difference in picture quality.
8. Photo Session. There are many wonderfully creative photographers these days, and having sweet pictures of your family is really special.
9. Pamper with Smells. Gift an essential oil diffuser and a bottle of essential oil. 
10. Blankets. Just to warn you, most babies get a lot of blankets. But a good quality swaddle can be a life saver- these swaddling blankets are fantastic.
11. Books. It’s never too early for books.
12. Clothes. Ok, I’m going to be honest here: people love baby clothes and love buying baby clothes. The issue is that most of the clothes they give baby, just aren’t practical. I always had plenty of dresses for my daughter and cute sweater vest outfits for my sons, but what I really needed were some basics: Sleepers, bodysuits, pants, socks, a jacket and wool tie-on hat. Think ahead about what size you buy for what season, a summer baby won't want a summer dress in size 6 months!
13. Meals. Dinners are great, but if the family has a good support network and is receiving meals, how about some easy breakfast and lunches? Yogurt parfaits, granola, artisan bread, butter and jam or bagels and cream cheese are lovely gifts. 
14. Doula Service. If mom hasn’t given birth yet, doulas are amazing to have with you, Dad’s particularly love this gift. An experienced doula will help set the new parents mind at ease, and assist any support people in helping mom the best way possible.
15. A voucher for a cleaner for the first few weeks. Getting out of bed is hard enough in the first few weeks, knowing that someone will come in and vaacume and clean the toilet can be a big relief.
16. Offer to babysit the older kids. A day at the park or the museum so mum and baby can just sleep. 
17. A older sibling bag of goodies. simple activities and books/puzzles to keep the older ones occupied while mum tends to the baby.

 

Are you baby wearing safely?

 

There has been some controversy over the safety of baby slings this month, in light of 3 babies dying while being in baby slings in Australia (since 2010). There is a safe way to babywear, and an unsafe way. Below are some tips to ensure you are not putting your baby at risk, these can be remembered by the acronym T.I.C.K.S:

TIGHT – slings and carriers should be tight enough to hug your baby close to you as this will be most comfortable for you both. Any slack/loose fabric will allow your baby to slump down in the carrier which can hinder their breathing and pull on your back. Make sure the sling you buy fits you well, and if you and your partner are very different sizes, you may find you need two different carriers. If you are using a Moby style wrap or a Woven wrap, practise well to ensure you know how to do it firmly before you start carrying baby in it.

IN VIEW AT ALL TIMES – you should always be able to see your baby’s face by simply glancing down. The fabric of a sling or carrier should not close around them so you have to open it to check on them. In a cradle position your baby should face upwards not be turned in towards your body.

 

CLOSE ENOUGH TO KISS – your baby’s head should be as close to your chin as is comfortable. By tipping your head forward you should be able to kiss your baby on the head or forehead.

 

KEEP CHIN OFF THE CHEST – a baby should never be curled so their chin is forced onto their chest as this can restrict their breathing. Ensure there is always a space of at least a finger width under your baby’s chin.

SUPPORTED BACK – in an upright carry a baby should be held comfortably close to the wearer so their back is supported in its natural position and their tummy and chest are against you. If a sling is too loose they can slump which can partially close their airway. (This can be tested by placing a hand on your baby’s back and pressing gently - they should not uncurl or move closer to you.) A baby in a cradle carry in a pouch or ring sling should be positioned carefully with their bottom in the deepest part so the sling does not fold them in half pressing their chin to their chest.

Baby wearing was a life saver for us with a colicky and unsettled baby, and for parents chasing toddlers while trying to settle a baby. It is so simple to make sure you are doing it safely. If your current carrier is not able to fulfil these requirements, for the safety of your baby, please look into a better, safer carrier. Don't become a very sad, very avoidable statistic. We <3 SAFE baby wearing!

Image used with permission photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/manueb/4511359563/">Manue@PrettyKiku</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>

Coping with Colic

I have heard a lot of new parents struggling with babies with 'colic' in the last few weeks. I thought it was about time for a colic blog post.

Both my babies had classic colic, and the second one had silent reflux as well. NOT A FUN TIME!

Colic is defined as: Unexplained crying for 3 or more hours a day, for 3 or more days a week, for 3 or more weeks.

What this really means is life is miserable! There is no known cause (though there are A LOT of theories) and there is no real treatment available. Colic typically starts around 3 weeks of age and seems to be gone again by 14 weeks. Leaving the longest 11 weeks of your life in the middle. 

It is often assumed that colicky babies are in some kind of pain, as they are not relieved by the comforts of feeding and holding, often writhe and grunt, may start and stop their screaming very abruptly, and have a shrill cry that resembles the sound they make when they are in pain, they are often said to 'pull up' their legs while crying.

 

One of the compelling reasons why colic is NOT something parents have to put up with or accept is that in a number of cultures, colic is virtually absent.

 

What causes colic?

 

Over the years many explanations have been put forward about the cause of colic. Common explanations have included that colic is caused by wind, by maternal anxiety, by tummy troubles, by a baby’s sensitive temperament, or by a baby’s immature brain.  The ideas of stomach migraines and early food allergies have also been thrown around. While there is an element of truth in all of these explanations, none of them fully explain colicky behaviour, or point to what we can do to calm a colicky baby.

The true cause of colic is what is now often referred to as a missing '4th trimester'. Human babies (as opposed to other animals) are born before their brains are fully developed, and before they are fully ready for the world.

 

Inside the womb, a baby is very tightly bundled, she is constantly fed, she is exposed to 80-90 decibels of ‘white noise’ 24/7, and she constantly swings and jiggles about inside a sea of amniotic fluid. These are the conditions that calm a baby in the womb, and unless we make a concerted effort to replicate these conditions once a baby is born, their absence will be a cause of considerable distress to a newborn.

 

Many other cultures will carry a tightly swaddled baby in a sling carrier the whole day, and co-sleep at night. These babies are breastfed as soon as they become unsettled and are not expected to self-sooth or go with out their mother for the first 3 or more months.

 

Interestingly these cultures also do not experience colic in the way the western culture does.

 

Your baby wants to be held, she will sleep in your arms or on your chest but not in her bed, she will wake as soon as you put her down. It is a survival instinct, they are too young to sleep alone naturally. They need your warmth and comfort, all the tricks in the book are really trying to replicate you, why don't we as a society accept that maybe baby just needs some parent time?

See our Sleep and Settling page or Swaddling page for more details

If you think of the times of day your baby gets upset and try and re-look at your routine at this time of day. It is often tea time - other children are tired and hungry and need their dinner/bath/bedtime routines too, so baby gets handed to someone else or left to their own devices while mum gets dinner ready.

 

Some suggestions:

 

- Pre-prepare dinner/meals when baby is settled

 

- Enlist some help at tea time - Dad, Nana, Aunty, an older sibling or a DVD (shock horror)

 

- Put baby tightly swaddled in a bouncer or pushchair by the dinner table and keep baby moving with your feet while you eat.

 

- Sling or wrap style carriers are great - pop baby in and have two hands free to continue with what you were trying to do.

 

- Use a pacifier to help soothe baby

- Some babies find a deep, warm bath relaxing.

- If baby is unsettled it will do no harm to future sleep patterns if you spend the evening with baby napping on your chest in the lounge while you read or watch TV. In fact you will both be more relaxed and baby will probably get more sleep then trying to settle them alone in their own bed.

 

- If you choose to co-sleep it is recommended that you do so by using a 'side car' style bed - where baby has their own space.

 

http://spiritedmamadotcom.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/bednest.jpg

Warning: Bed Sharing /co-sleeping should not be undertaken by people who smoke, have been drinking alcohol or are under the influence of drugs, these things greatly increase the risk of SIDS (cot death). Do not co-sleep on a couch or lounger chair.

 

I hope this is helpful for those out there struggling. It's not an easy time, but it does pass (like most things with babies). If you are really struggling with your crying baby, put them down somewhere safe and have a break, call for back up if need be. Kia kaha.

 

 

Real Advice for New Parents

Becoming a parent for the first time is exciting. It is also quite scarey. Some of the stories people kindly share would terrify even the bravest of souls. But there is no love without pain, and no win without sacrifice and every single parent I know, given the choice, would do it all again in a heartbeat. The little people that we love so unconditionally are very very much worth it!

Here is some advice from those that have been there and done that:

Said by a wise not-quite-old man (my Dad)

Be realistic

 

Children WILL change your life. You may think right now that nothing much will change. It will defiantly change, significantly. You can lug them around in a capsule to all your social engagements for a while, but this won't work forever. But it is good change, embrace it.

Your life for the next two years (per child) will feel similar to a constant hangover. Don't worry, go with it, even try to enjoy it - it will get better. Try to enjoy that 2am (and 3am and 4am...) snuggle, there will come a time when you kinda wish you still got them.

 

"Don't sweat any of it. The small stuff or the big stuff. Humans have been raising babies for hundreds of thousands of years. No matter what people tell you, there is no one best way to do it. An abundance of love, gentleness and care (for yourselves and for baby) will see you right." - Stacey Wilson mum of 3

 

 

As long as both you and your little ones are in clean-ish clothes (seriously unless they have covered head to toe in spaghetti sauce, a little  juice on their front is no worries), they are fed (always keep snacks on hand - fruit, jelly, yogurt, cheese), happy and healthy you are doing great as a parent.

 

Practical tips

Buy a truckload of facecloths - they are invaluable at cleaning pretty much anything off of everything.

When getting bibs, get good quality thick ones, preferably with domes rather than valcro. Valcro wreaks havoc in the washing machine.

If you use cloth nappies, always do the valcro up before washing them! (see above)

Holding a child throwing a tantrum is much easier side on (yes, yours will do it too, probably in a busy supermarket, when you are in a hurry to get home), you wear less kicks to the groin and they can't hit you in the face so easily. This also works carrying a screamer who won't hold your hand across the road.

Buy a drop-sided cot for your first child so that you can still reach in to get them out when you are pregnant with the next (assuming having the first hasn't put you off).

Keep a box of tissues handy in every room to mop up nasty spillages.

Keep all your nappy creams well out of the reach of toddlers at all times. Sudo-cream and carpet DO NOT MIX.

Do it your way

"You will know a multitude of great parents who give you heaps of great advice and suggestions. ....and it will all conflict with each other. They are still great parents and so will you be. Your baby will grow up - they will not remember whether you breast fed or bottle, used disposables or cloth, fed to sleep or self settled- they will remember you love them and cared for them- always have and always will." - Letitia McRodden mum of 2

You will be on the receiving end of all kinds of advice, the best idea is to smile sweetly, nod politely and go and do things exactly how you want to. Mum knows best. Unfortunately this may include conflicting advice from health professionals. Usually this just means there are several options that will work, pick one and stick at it for a while.

If your baby will only sleep on you, or with you or be rocked or fed to sleep. THAT'S OK! most of us do this anyway, we just don't tell everyone because it is seen as the wrong thing to do. I don't know why we hide it, it's instinctive and it is what most indigenous cultures have done for thousands of years, but now some  researcher says we shouldn't and it is now seen as being the worst thing to do.

If you bed share, learn to do it safely and drop the guilt.

If you bottle feed, learn to do it safely and drop the guilt.

If you have to leave your baby to scream in the cot, so you can go outside and calm down for a few minutes so you don't shake the living daylights out of it because you haven't slept at all for 48 hours and it is still not asleep, do it safely and drop the guilt.

Also remember you can ring the Plunket helpline! 0800 933 922 for pretty much anything.

 

Doctors, nurses and others don't know everything. They are human too, you know your baby the best, if you think something is wrong and no one is listening to you, keep asking, keep getting others to look until you are satisfied. Follow your instincts, you have them for a reason :-)

Wise words

Love them a lot. Say it often.

Enjoy all the snuggles and cuddles you can get.

Keep a book or box of special things, their first hat, or shoes, funny things they say and do, you will forget them.

Let them climb things, jump off things and generally play. Let them get dirty and don't sterilise everything around them. Generally kids know their own limits and won't do what they can't do. Some germs are good to grow a strong immune system.

No one on their death bed ever said "I wish I spent more time in the office" - don't regret placing your children above your career.

Set strong boundaries when it comes to expected behaviour, manners, responsibility and safety. Then let them play within these bounds. Try not to say no too often.

Kids are all gifted, some just take a little longer to unwrap it! Don't rush them and don't compare, they will get there in the end. If you are genuinely concerned, check with your doctor.

Get your first aid certificate in infant and child CPR, heaven hopes you never have to use it, but the 10-20 minutes it takes an ambulance to get there may be too late for a fragile little life. Arm yourself with some knowledge and skills and don't be afraid to use them!

 

If anyone offers you a cooked meal, folded washing or ironing, or babysitting so you can have a nap - Never say no.

In the first few months try and get outside everyday, even if it is just to the letterbox or around the block. Fresh air and sunshine can do wonders for altering your perspective and helping your outlook.

 

Never underestimate the power of sleep deprivation. It can turn the most pleasant of persons into a raging crazy-person.

If you feel yourself slipping, and unable to cope -  please, please don't try and go it alone. Ask for help. Ask your partner, siblings, parents, friends, neighbour, health visitor or Plunket line. Ask anyone that will listen. Parenting can be hard, and it mostly works out in the wash. But get some support if you need it, we all want to see you succeed!

Storing Breastmilk

 

Breast milk is a magical substance, specially designed to feed little humans. It contains anti-bodies and anti-microbial substances, this means that the rules for storing breast milk is a little different to storing formula or pasteurised cows/goats milk.
These guidelines below are widely accepted as the correct and proper way to keep your precious expressed milk free from bacterial growth and contamination.

Immediate Use of Fresh Milk

If you are planning to use the milk right away, freshly expressed milk is good at room temperature for 4-6 hours. If the room is a warmer temperature it is best to discard the milk after 4 hours.

Stored in a sterilised bottle/container in the back of the fridge, the milk is safe for 3-5 days.

Using Frozen Milk

If you don't think you will use your liquid gold within the3-5 day time frame - cool it to room temperature, add a date label and pop in the freezer. By gradually cooling down the milk before freezing you are able to maintain a lot of the natural proteins found in breast milk. Milk pumped within 3-4 hours of each other can be mixed and frozen together. Milk stored in the freezer is good for up to 6 months. If you have a deep freezer, milk can keep for up to a year. 

Once breast milk is frozen, many of the immunological properties it contains are destroyed. These are the same properties that help prevent bacterial growth, which means previously frozen breast milk will go bad faster than freshly expressed breast milk.

When thawing frozen milk the same rules apply from the cooling down process: in order to maintain the composition of breast milk proteins you should gradually heat it. If possible, take the milk out from the freezer and place it in the fridge to thaw overnight. You can use running water to thaw the milk prior to use, gradually increasing the water temperature to warm the milk making sure to massage the bag for an even temperature. Never place breast milk in the microwave to heat up, it de-natures the proteins.

Previously frozen milk can keep in the fridge for up to 24 hours. If a bottle has been heated for a feeding, it can be used withing two hours before discarding.

Can I Refreeze Thawed Milk?

Depending on how cold you keep your fridge/freezer, you may be able to pop the bag back in the freezer. If your breast milk still has ice crystals it is not technically thawed. Milk that has been left in the fridge, but still has ice crystals, is fine to place back in the freezer.

If your milk is completely liquid, however, you can not refreeze it.

Once you know how to properly express and freeze your breast milk, you will need to know how long it will stay good after you take it out of the freezer. So how long will thawed breast milk last?

If you let the breast milk thaw out in the fridge, you can keep it in the fridge up to 24 hours after it has finished thawing. (Note that it can take around 12 hours to thaw depending on how much milk is in the container and how cold your fridge is). If you warmed the thawed breast milk, do not try to hang on to it. Warmed milk is far more likely to have been exposed to bacterial growth.

You can add freshly expressed milk to thawed milk as long as the freshly expressed milk is cooled first and the milk is still used within 24 hours.

If your breast milk ever smells sour or “off”, throw it out. Double-bag your milk if you’re going to be storing it with something that smells strongly, such as peppers, as the breast milk may pick up the strong smell.

Packing your Labour Bag

 

Packing your Labour and Hospital bags for the first time can be rather daunting! Below is a list of the things that you should take with you. Its divided in to two lists as it is easier to have a smaller bag for the labour room and one for later once baby is here and you are settled in your room. Print this list off and tick things as they are packed. Leave last minute items highlighted on the list, and stick the list to the top of your bag. For smaller things consider getting new ones and have them packed and ready to go - toiletries, underwear etc.

 

Labour Bag
MUST HAVE:	Packed
Digital Camera/video – Charged!
Lip Balm
Hair Clips, Hair Ties, Head Band
Cell Phone – with credit and charger
List of people that need called immediately
Snacks
Drink bottle
Copy of your birth plan
Plenty of change for the parking meter
Clean Pyjamas to put on after labour
NICE TO HAVE:
An off-the-shelf meal for Dad
Portable speakers/mp3 player and music
Warm socks – weirdly feet get cold sometimes
Money for food
Labour dress/top/skirt
Hospital Bag
MUST HAVE:
Tooth brush/ toothpaste
Deodorant
Hairbrush
Shampoo/conditioner
Bodywash/soap
3 sets of pyjamas that button at the front
6-10 sets of old/cheap or disposable underwear
3 maternity bras
Breast pads
Maternity pads
Clothes to go home in
Go home outfit for baby
Disposable nappies if you want to use them
Dressing gown
NICE TO HAVE
Bee balm or Vaseline to prevent meconium sticking
Pillow from home
Make up for photos
Razor – just in case you feel like shaving now you can see your legs
Slippers
DVD player/Laptop
Snacks to eat when awake all night breastfeeding
Pen and paper/notebook
Magazines

 

 

 A free PDF of this is availble from here