Settling an upset infant

My baby number two was a terrible sleeper, in the midst of it all I turned to my dear mother. Her loving, motherly advice was a simple "hahaha you were just like that too". Thanks mum. Getting a baby to sleep can be one of the most difficult and frustrating pastimes. If you have an easy sleeper, count yourself very lucky! Many parents struggle with sleepless children. From my personal experience, while you are in the middle of getting up to a crying baby for the 8th time that night please do try to relax, it will eventually work itself out, it really really will. In the mean time here are some tricks that may help.

For the  first few months we recommend you go with the flow with sleep and settling, and do almost what ever it takes to get baby to sleep.  It is not recommended to expect a baby to follow a routine before 3 or 4 months of age. It's far more important in the early days that you and your baby are well rested. Being a new parent is exhausting, and you need to be able to rest when your baby is sleeping. There are some babies who will  only ever sleep for one sleep cycle (20-45minutes), regardless of what you do!

A key parenting skill is learning to recognise your baby's tired signs early. This will, in theory, help avoid your baby getting over-tired. Tired babies may yawn, get twitchy legs and arm movements or get a glazed/staring look, after two kids of my own, I still don't notice the twitchy limbs. If these cues are missed they will begin to grizzle, by this stage they are getting too tired to settle easily.

Sidenote: Newborn babies often root around and act the same as they would if they were hungry when they are tired. This can be very confusing for new parents. I really struggled with this aspect as I also had very little milk supply, so I always presumed the baby was hungry, which lead to short little snack feeds.

Babies can also make a lot of noise winding down to sleep, unless they are howling, feel free to let them be, they may well just be heading off to sleep. If they need help to get off to sleep, try one (or more) of the techniques below.
 

•  Use the Feed, Awake Time, Sleep pattern if possible. This reduces the confusion, you know baby is well fed, so it is likely he is tired rather than hungry again. Start looking for tired signs when a newborn has been awake for only 45 minutes, an hour awake is usually plenty at this age.

 

•  A baby that sleeps plenty in the day will sleep better at night. It is not recommended to limit baby's days sleeps until they are closer to two years of age. Prior to that age, limiting their sleep is counter-productive. Your baby will be over tired and very difficult to settle or keep asleep.

 
Replicating the womb environment works wonders as it triggers a powerful response inside babies’ brains that turns off their crying.
 

• Swaddling - this is simply wrapping a baby securely. This is the cornerstone to settling a newborn. Get a large, good quality wrap, at least 120x120cm (50 in) anything smaller than this is practically useless. See Swaddling Page for techniques.

 

• White noise - either 'shhhhh' very loudly, play a white noise CD on repeat, a fan, vacuum or shower. Try this YouTube track for white noise. In the womb babies are exposed to a constant noise of 80-90 decibels - equivalent to the sound of a vacuum, so turn it up loud.

 

• Swinging/jiggling - this can be achieved by a dancing/jiggling cuddle, sling carrier or hammock, a pushchair or car ride. I found the Moby Wrap a life saver when I had my second baby as I had a 20 month old to run around after as well, and this allowed me to have both hands free. The settling movement should be a gentle, repetitive movement. Never ever shake your baby.

 

• Sucking - breastfeed, thumb/finger or pacifier. This technique is very effective for colicky babies.

          See Colic page.
 

• Side/Stomach position - either in your arms, on your lap, on your chest or in their bed while being patted. Side/stomach is never for sleeping so ensure you roll them back to their back once they are calm. DO NOT PLACE SWADDLED BABY ON THEIR STOMACH LYING DOWN!

 

• Dark room - bright lights are stimulating for a babies brain, dim the lights to settle, and let them sleep in the dark, this includes for their day sleeps - most rooms when you pull the curtains you can still see quite well during the day and not well at night, baby will learn the difference. Keep the room as dark as possible during night feeds, and avoid eye contact or talking with them at this time, it will help them recognise night time is for sleeping rather than being social.

A combination of all of the above worked best for me: I would swaddle baby tightly, stick a dummy in her mouth, pop her into the Moby wrap and then proceed to vacuum the floor. Usually worked a treat, plus then the floor was clean!
 
Ensure your baby is sleeping safely for EVERY sleep. This includes each nap in your arms, in the car or when they fall asleep playing or on the couch.
 
Babies and toddlers who have a bath and a massage before bed, fall asleep faster than those
who are only read a story. So break out the baby-safe oil and rub them down using soft strokes and moderate pressure.
 
Babies who are usually good sleepers go through phases of not settling as well. This may just be a growth spurt in which they need to feed more frequently. These only last 1 - 2 days.

If the child/baby has been unwell with  a cold in the last week it might be good to get their ears and throat checked by  a doctor. As these are often more painful with the increase in pressure  when they lie down and makes babies very difficult to settle.
 
If a baby's crying is getting too much for you, put them down somewhere safe and go outside for 2-3 minutes to take a few deep breaths. Go back to the baby and try to resettle them calmly. Remember - it is just a phase!